It started long ago. I grew up surrounded by mountains, family and faith. Alpine Utah was where my seedling self hatched, born unto teenagers wrapped in religion trying to do the right thing in 1966 after a romp in 57 Chevy and faulty condom.

My love of upbringing screams jovial witness to the older woman I am now, “The cautionary tale”. The one who slipped away and accepts the forgone conclusion and spell of outer darkness spewed from the very ones she loved before. It is okay now. I learned how to laugh at everything, including myself.

To be a rebel is one of my life’s greatest pleasures. I thank the red man. He was talked about often while I was young. Rather drilled into my head he was. From the time I was little I heard the word, “Satan”. He was everywhere. Coming out of my grandmothers mouth, forebodings, blamed for absolutely everything from Windex bottles hurled at my head, to premarital sex.

The red one was blamed for really bad adult choices. I can still hear my grandma’s voice crackling the dreaded whisper, “Well, looks like Satan got hold of your mother again.” Her lip would quiver…she would start crying and I would stand there not knowing exactly what to say or do. Oh but I was curious. Even as a small one I was entertained at the thought of this evil invisible being controlling absolutely everything or at least trying to.

From zero to 18 I was to be under constant vigilance for what the red one named Satan would do to influence my every move or thought? Until one day I left…plumb ran away. When I arrived at destination Nanny job on the other side of the country my grandma sent me an article from a church news subscription. It was warning parents not to send their children to these lucrative nanny jobs on the east coast. Satan would surely get girls like me to lose their testimony.

It worked. I lost mine. I have Satan to thank for that. He also taught me what coffee smelled like and I let all of my dirty girl thoughts future dance wildly in my head. I was free…finally free and Satan and I were fast becoming best buds.